Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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Fans say Roseanne Barr’s living situation is a ‘mess’ after star posts photo of bed
Actress and comedian Roseanne Barr made a big move to her macadamia nut farm in Hawaii after deciding to adopt a healthier lifestyle.
She even made the decision to eat a diet higher in plants!
Along with her longtime partner Johnny Argen, the aspiring farmer has been enjoying her quiet life on the 46-acre property.
Barr paid $1.78 million for the 2,212-square-foot Hawaiian refuge in 2007, which has stunning 360-degree views of the verdant grounds around the property.
The house, which has three bedrooms and three and a half baths, has served as Barr’s peaceful retreat in her senior years.
It gives Barr great pleasure to bring her granddaughters to the farm amid the peaceful surroundings. She once posted a cute photo of herself and her granddaughters walking over a large field of grass, showing a tender moment between a grandparent and a grandchild.
While appreciating the sweet moment, fans couldn’t help but remark on how different the legendary comedian she used to be was from the grandmother role she currently plays.
Barr gave an honest look into her life when she posted a picture of herself soundly dozing among boxes, clothes, and a laptop. Instagram users joked about the photo, captioning it, “Shop till you drop.” One user even suggested, “Fire your housekeeper!!!!”
Another person said, “No, she doesn’t need to fire her housekeeper [sic].” She is the one causing all of the mess! How depressing to see her like this! Extremely depressing! I am aware that nobody is flawless. However, no one would want to see her like this—she’s a huge celebrity! Yes, everyone has bad days from time to time, so you have every right to express that, but really—no way! You are far superior to that!
“Love Roseanne but I thought you were [sic] looking at a homeless camp [illegal substance] addict who passed out,” commented a third commenter.
Oh no. Individuals can be very rude at times!
Despite the divergent viewpoints, it’s obvious that Roseanne is still admired for her comedy and genuineness, whether she’s navigating farm life or sharing intimate moments.
How does Roseanne Barr seem to you? Tell us in the comments below!
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