I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
Advertisement
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
Smith modeled for huge names in the fashion industry among which Guess, H&M, Heatherette and Lane Bryant.
16 years after her death, the name of Anna Nicole Smith still stands for fame and controversy. She was a model, an actress, and a television personality who first gained popularity when she won the title of 1993 Playmate of the Year after posing for Playboy magazine.
“I love the paparazzi,” she once told the Washington Post.
“They take pictures, and I just smile away. I’ve always liked the attention. I didn’t get very much growing up, and I always wanted to be, you know, noticed.”
Sadly, the life of glamour took its toll. Smith married petroleum tycoon J. Howard Marshall who was 63 years her senior. This relationship wasn’t just controversial, but a high-profile one and many believe it marked the start of Smith’s downfall. Six months after tying the knot, then 90-year-old Marshal died.
Following his passing, Smith and Marshal’s family got involved in a long and controversial legal battle over his fortune and assets. The case ultimately went as high as the US Supreme Court in 2006.
In 2007, a tragedy struck beautiful Smith died of overdose in 2007, just a few months after she gave birth to her baby daughter Dannielynn. After her death, several men claimed to be the baby’s dad and after paternity tests were ordered, Larry Birkhead got paternity rights.
Today, Dannielynn is all grown up and resembles both her mom and her dad. In fact, she got the best of both and is a real beauty.
Larry takes great care of his daughter and shares adorable photos of the fun time they spend together. They live in Kentucky and Larry makes sure his daughter’s life is as normal as possible. She attends a public school and has a lot of friends.
Speaking of her likes and dislikes and what makes her happy, Larry says Dannielynn wants to follow into her late mom’s footsteps when it comes to acting.
The girl once said, “It’s really cool to like, act as a character and not yourself. It’s like portraying a new person. It’s fun.” She and her dad have appeared on several shows such as ‘Life after Anna’, ‘Wife Swap‘, and ‘The Millionaire Matchmaker.’
Dannielynn wants to try herself as a YouTuber, but her dad thinks she’s way too young to be doing something like that. He wants her to stay out of the spotlight and enjoy her teen years the way her friends do. Speaking to US Weekly, Larry said, “If it’s something you want to do when you get older, you can, but right now let’s sell some Girl Scout cookies.”
Some years ago, an unnamed source told National Enquirer, “Anna Nicole was seduced by the showbiz lifestyle, and Larry wants to make sure Dannielynn doesn’t end up like her. “[Anna Nicole was] chasing stardom and surrounded by greedy hangers-on.”
However, Larry does his best to keep the memory of Smith alive. Last year, Dannielynn paid tribute to her mom by wearing her heat from her appearance at the Kentucky Derby in 2004 and a pink dress. The resemblance with her mom is there, although as she grows older, Dannielynn seems to be taking more after her dad.
Speaking of her character, Larry told Fox News, “She’s fun and fearless like her mom was. She’s a good kid. I’m just happy that I’ve been able to spend all the time I have been able to have with her.”
At the Barnstable Brown Gala that took place ahead of the Derby, the now-17-year-old wore a blouse with photographs of her mom. Larry wore a tie featuring the same images.
“She’s showing off her fashion sense but at the same time paying tribute to her mom,” Larry said. He added that he and his daughter had decided to pay tribute to Anna Nicole Smith because it marked the 20th anniversary of the day he had met the model back in 2003. At the time, he was a photographer covering the event.
The late model’s clothes are in Larry’s possession so Dannielynn often goes through them.
“And everything she has of her mom’s is cataloged in storage, with photos of the event where she wore it,” Larry revealed.
“So someday, she can give them to her kids if she wants to.”
We hope Dannielynn will fulfill all her dreams.
Leave a Reply