Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
The flight attendant approached me and requested, “Please remain seated after we land; the pilot would like to speak with you personally.”
I thought my big business trip to LA was going to be just another day until a mysterious request from the pilot left me questioning everything I knew about my past. The truth he shared would alter my future in ways I never imagined.
My flight to Los Angeles was supposed to be a smooth one, but what happened during that two-hour journey changed my life forever. But before I tell you about it, let me share why I had to reach LA that day.
So, I work as an architect at a well-known construction firm, and this is my dream job. Let me tell you, it wasn’t good luck that brought me here. It was my hard work and all those sleepless nights I spent in college upgrading my skills and learning new concepts.
Recently, my boss gave me an opportunity to present a big project to some of our top investors in Los Angeles.
It was a HUGE thing because it could lead to a long-awaited promotion, so I happily accepted the opportunity.
Honestly, I felt so grateful for it because it was also a chance to make my mom, Melissa, proud. She’s my best friend, and that’s mainly because she has raised me as a single parent. She told me my father passed away before I was born, but she never stopped me from chasing my dreams. Mom’s always been there to support me, and I love her for that.
So, when I told her about the meeting in LA, she hugged me and said, “Go get ’em, sweetie! I’ll be praying for you.”
The time flew by at the airport, and soon I found myself comfortably seated on the plane, ready to take off. The flight attendants were all so welcoming, and I lucked out with an empty seat next to me!
As the plane began to ascend, I couldn’t help but feel excited. I was well-prepared for my presentation, hoping the investors would like it.
A few minutes into the flight, a friendly-looking flight attendant named Bethany approached me with a tray of drinks.
“Can I get you something to sip on?” she asked with a smile.
“Just orange juice, please,” I replied, raising my hand to accept the glass. As I did, Bethany glanced down at the birthmark on my wrist.
“I’m sorry, could I have your passport, please?” she asked suddenly.
Well, that’s strange, I thought.
Confused but not wanting to argue, I handed it over. Bethany looked it over carefully before returning it with a nod.
“Just a standard protocol check. Thank you!”
Sounds cool.
A short while later, Bethany returned to my seat.
“Excuse me, will you be in a rush after we land?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’ve got a connecting flight to catch and I’m already running late,” I explained as I subconsciously clasped my hands together.
“Well, the pilot wants to speak with you after we land.”
“The pilot?” I asked. “Why? Can’t he just talk to me now?”
“I’m afraid not,” Bethany replied in a serious tone. “He wants to talk to you in person. I know you’re in a hurry, but trust me, you’ll want to hear this. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
I sat there, utterly perplexed.
What on earth could the pilot possibly need to tell me? And why did it have to wait until after we landed? My big meeting was hanging in the balance, and I didn’t want to risk missing my connection. But Bethany’s insistence made me feel like this was something important.
As the plane touched down and the other passengers began filing out, I steeled myself and waited patiently for the pilot to approach.
When the cabin was finally empty, a tall man with graying hair entered, his eyes immediately locking onto mine.
At that point, I literally dropped my bag and jacket. My jaw just about hit the floor because I could’ve sworn I had seen this man before.
I instantly recognized him from old photos my mom had shown me. This was Steve, her childhood friend.
But the man didn’t look happy to see me.
In fact, tears were streaming down his face as he threw his arms around me in a tight embrace. I stood there, completely bewildered, as he sobbed into my shoulder.
“What’s going on?” I asked in a shaky voice. “What happened?”
He pulled away, gazing at me with red-rimmed eyes. Then, he gently took my hand and revealed a birthmark on his wrist. It was an exact match to the one on mine.
“Courtney,” he choked out, “I’m your father.”
“Wait, what?” I looked at him with eyes wide open. “My father? But Mom said…
Why did Mom lie to me? I thought. Why didn’t she ever tell me that Steve was my father?
“I don’t know what Melissa told you, Courtney, but this is the truth,” Steve continued. “She suddenly disappeared from my life when I was about to attend aviation school.
“She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant… I… I got to know through a friend but it was years after you were born.”
At that point, all I wanted to do was confront Mom. I wanted to find out why she left Steve. I wanted to know why she hid everything from me.
I immediately pulled out my phone and called her.
“Mom, why didn’t you ever tell me about Steve?” I demanded as soon as she answered. I had her on speakerphone so Steve could hear. “Why did you keep this from me?”
“Steve? What do you mean, sweetie?” she asked, still trying to hide the truth from me.
“Mom, please stop!” I rolled my eyes. “I just met Steve on the airplane. He’s here with me. Now please tell me everything. I need answers. He needs answers!”
After a few seconds of silence, Mom finally spoke. Her voice was thick with emotion as she began to explain.
“Oh, Courtney, I’m so sorry,” she cried. “When we were young, Steve wanted to go to aviation school and become a pilot. But then I got pregnant with you… and… and I knew that if he found out, he would give up his dreams to be with us…”
“I couldn’t let him do that,” she continued after a pause. “So, I left without telling him. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but I can see now how much it’s hurt all of us.”
Steve’s face crumpled as he listened.
“Melissa,” he choked out, “I… I loved you so much. I would have done anything for you and our child… Why didn’t you trust me?”
“Steve? Oh my…” Mom gasped. “I… I thought I was protecting you. I was scared. I’m sorry, Steve. I’m so, so sorry.”
I felt like my head was spinning. All these years, my mom had lied to me about my father’s fate, and now here he was, a complete stranger, pouring his heart out to both of us. I couldn’t process it all.
“Mom, this is… this is a lot to take in,” I stammered. “I’m already late for the big meeting with the investors… I don’t know how I’ll get to LA now.”
Steve’s eyes widened as I mentioned the investors.
“You’re going to LA? What’s the meeting about?”
I quickly explained the details to Steve. I told him how I was supposed to present a major project to secure a big promotion at work.
I saw his expression shift as I told him everything about the company and the investors.
“Well then, we can’t let you miss that meeting,” he declared, “because I know those investors very well, Courtney.”
“What? How?” I asked.
“I used to fly their private jet a few years ago, and they were very kind to me,” Steve revealed as he slid out his phone. “Let me make a few calls, and I’ll get you in front of them today.”
True to his word, he sprang into action, making a series of hushed phone calls. Within an hour, I found myself being ushered into a swanky conference room. I couldn’t believe it.
The best part was that the meeting went better than I could have imagined. The investors were impressed and agreed to fund my project idea. Besides that, I got a call from my boss and he offered me the promotion I had been hoping for. I was super happy!
As I walked out of the room, I saw Steve waiting for me with open arms.
“You did it!” he exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, Courtney.”
I felt a lump in my throat as I hugged him back.
This man, whom I had never known, was now an integral part of my life, and somehow, it felt right. All those years of feeling like something was missing had led me to this moment, and I couldn’t help but wonder what else the future had in store.
The next week, Steve visited our house to meet Mom.
It was an emotional reunion, filled with tears, laughter, and a sense of wholeness that had been missing for so long. That day, I understood what it felt like to have a complete family.
As I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about the incredible turn of events. Who would have thought that a routine flight to LA would lead to the discovery of my long-lost father? It was the kind of plot twist you only see in the movies. But here I was, living it.
And while it was overwhelming, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of gratitude and excitement for what the future might hold.
Leave a Reply