Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
Katie Ledecky sets new Olympic swimming record after Team USA wins silver in 4 x 200m freestyle
On Thursday, Katie Ledecky set yet another record when the women’s 4 x 200m freestyle relay team from Team USA took home the silver medal.
With 13 medals, the 27-year-old became the most decorated female swimmer in Olympic history. Her most recent victory ended a tie she had with Dara Torres, Jenny Thompson, and swimmer Natalie Coughlin.
In the demanding 1500m freestyle on Wednesday, the Maryland native claimed her eighth gold medal and her 12th overall. Ledecky tied Thompson for the most gold medals won by a female swimmer in Olympic history when she completed the event in an Olympic record time of 15:30.02.
Ledecky told reporters that she allowed her thoughts to roam and considered all the people who had contributed to her current situation as she was swimming.
“And during the race, I kind of let my mind wander, remembering everyone who has trained with me.” Was like thinking about them and chanting their names in my brain. I love you guys, my Florida crew—all those Florida boys who challenged me every day. I know I often make your life difficult, but you guys really made my life easy today. I really appreciate it.
The 27-year-old swimmer had another opportunity to increase her medal total on Thursday.
Ledecky, Claire Weinstein, Paige Madden, and Erin Gemmell represented Team USA in the 4 × 200m freestyle relay, finishing second behind Australia.
Ledecky became the most decorated American woman in Olympic history and the most decorated woman of any nation in swimming history with the team’s victory, which brought her 13 medals overall. She is only ahead of Michael Phelps, who has 28 medals.
Ledecky has one more chance to increase her medal total as swimming draws to a close. On Saturday, she’ll participate in the 800m freestyle.
Ledecky intends to qualify for the 2028 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, despite the fact that this is her fourth Olympics overall, in Paris.
“Yes, my statement that I would love to compete in Los Angeles hasn’t changed over the last few months or years has been consistent.”
Katie, congratulations! You are history’s greatest.
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